Friday, January 21, 2011

past selves

This is a follow-up to anotherloveletter #2 on Improbable Letters. I posted this here because it’s not just like, something I’d put in a letter (though it IS still addressed to a person), it’s actually a lot more general/less personal SO I thought it’d be appropriate for this blog rather than that one. Enjoy.

This was supposed to be my History Story, then I decided to just write it to you.

Who were you in the past? Not that it matters – I just want to know. ‘But,’ you’ll say, ‘why are you asking, if it doesn’t matter?’ You know what, we’ve lost our ability over the last century to delight in the huge mass of utterly useless information. We think everything has to have a use. How prophetic Wilde was in the moment he said ‘It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information’; but then again, Wilde was prophetic a lot of the time – anyhow, that’s for another time, another discussion.

A year ago I wasn’t me. I was someone else. I was different in many small ways, but those little ways are the most important sometimes, when it comes to the way you see someone. A year ago I was wondering about when the fuck exactly I would start studying for O levels. I was worrying about Lyceum forms. TISMUN had just taken place and I was riding the glory wave for a bit. Events. But one year later – damn, I’ve read so much, seen so much, fallen in love with so much, done so much, experienced so much. Talking to me one year ago would be much different.

We like to think that nobody changes, that everyone stays the same – but they don’t, and that’s the problem. People are capable of all kinds of weird shit, they’re just too lazy to do any of it. I never thought I’d actually be in the place that I am right now. But I am and I’m happy there. I didn’t think I’d have the friggin’ self-discipline to get myself on track with writing, but here I am. I wouldn’t have thought that I’d make a huge-ass organizational system and stick to it for the most part – but I’m doing just that. You don’t just get from point A to point H without going through the steps. You grow. You meander. You go back to things you thought were immature, which reminds me of this video:

Anyhow, I want all kinds of useless information about you, and who you were in the past – because after enough time, your past self becomes someone else with your face and body. And you see yourself in videos, you see yourself in photographs, you hear someone else’s anecdote featuring Past You and you think, What the fuck was I thinking? And in a sense I understand how you wouldn’t want to share all of that. I’m just curious. It’s like seeing all these variations of who you could be, and who you could have become. And that’ll just make me appreciate you even more, because I’ve shared a bit of your journey, or maybe it was someone else’s journey at that point, and maybe you’ll realize that now.

~Eight years ago I wanted to be a scientist. Now I wanna be a sociologist/writer. I think sociologist still means scientist, with social added to it. So in eight years I’ve added one word to my career choice.

~Four years ago I was all like HEY MAN I WANNA BE AN ACCOUNTANT. Then I realized I hate accounts. Then I took socio. Now I want to keep it.

~Seven years ago I abhorred literature. Now, should ask someone in my class :P

Last year I was all like I DON’T LIKE TEGAN AND SARA! I CAN’T STAND THEIR VOICES! And then I heard Nineteen and then I heard some more of their songs and now I’m all like OMG TEGAN OMG SARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

There’ve been actual moments in my life when I’ve looked over at people and thought, I wonder if I’ll ever be friends with *that* person. I’m friends with some of those people now, and they’re pretty awesome people.

Some of the times we end up doing the same things.

But what if we were today one of those variants of ourselves? Then what?

how i met your mother is totally a metaphor for my life sometimes. but then again as a literature student i think everything is a metaphor, even Annoying Orange.

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