Sunday, March 6, 2011

we are all heroes in our hearts

sometimes I feel like I'm a character in a story.

I remember some fragments of what my literature teacher said about Tennessee Williams' characters and how they desperately try to be the heroes of their own stories. Or did she say that about everyone? I'm sure we all try to be like that.

I hate giving A Streetcar Named Desire any credit but I think I'm starting to get it better now...was rereading Salt and Saffron, and it says, ...but four years ago, desire was an abstraction for me... and at that part's so right. Forget four years ago, think four hours ago or even four minutes. You look at someone, you feel the tug of something you'd like to think of as destiny. You bargain and plead with yourself and a god you don't believe in and karma and whatnot just to imagine you and that person together. It's weird.

You really want to be the hero of your story. You also want to succeed. You don't always. Then you bargain and plead with yourself and a god you don't believe in and karma and whatnot just to preserve your ego. Somedays you glimpse that chink in your armour. Sometimes you realize that you are not the hero, that you have little or no control, that no-matter-what you're slipping and sliding into shit you don't wanna get into. You think, I am above this.Then you go ahead and do it anyway. The audience sighs. They sympathize as one urge pulls at you and the other tears you apart. That's what you want.

Then one morning you wake up and realize that you just might be a tyrant. The audience hates you. They understand you but they still hate you. You're not the hero; you're a pathetic, torn-apart character. Or you're the villain. Out of the corner of your eyes you spy them grinning at your downfall. And then there's silence in your heart, in your head. Your vision's blank. You stagger and fall, and then there's the curtain.

1 comment:

  1. umm..err yea'

    We all are either heroes, Villains,or side actors of the story,life.
    I just don't care what I'm as long as I'm not the part of the audience.
    I want to put my two pennies everywhere..:)

    *Thinks that is this comment relevant to this post*