Saturday, December 17, 2011

Yes, everything can change in a day.



Remember that I went for ED? Well, the college deferred my decision. LOL@me.

LOL@two years of dreaming.
LOL@this college shaping the very way I think of college.
LOL@me seeing this college everytime I imagine myself at college. Like, the buildings, the scenery, the bloody landscape.
LOL@feeling like I've been thrown out of a ship and into a boat in the middle of the ocean.
LOL@thinking I'd get in.
LOL@people telling me oh, deferred doesn't mean a no.
LOL@me being the student telling everyone else all about this college, urging them to apply, telling them they have a chance.
LOL@the prospect of having to tell EVERYONE that no, maybe it isn't clear to the college that I belong there.

Just laugh. It's funny.

I was in my room, writing down colleges and deadlines and requirements on my mirror. In the corner of the mirror's a small card that says "Is not parody the eternal lot of man?" -Kundera. And that made me realize that, well, yeah, it's funny. Parody.Structurally, technically, this story's just got a strong vein of irony. So, in terms of it just being a story, it's sad and funny at the same time.

Kundera's been enchanted by jokes. I haven't read The Joke (one of his novels) yet, but now I especially want to. The guy makes sense. And he was born on April 1st.


I've actually opened up the letter several times just to make sure they didn't make a mistake (or that I read it wrong, or that it was a dream, or that ohidon'tknow they got me mixed up with someone else?). Though I think I probably would've done this if I'd been accepted too. Haha.

This is a break. Not break as in "short period of time, like an intermission" but break as in "things aren't going to be the same again. This is the end of a period. Now everything will be influenced by the narrative that precedes it, but it is not continuity - it is a ununtwistable twist."

Fuck, why is everything a story to me? 

Probably because it's the only way things make sense, I guess. Else I'd fucking lose it.

So now I apply to other places. Write those essays after all. Fill out more aid applications. Also, watching a lot of 90210 is helping. I mean, seriously, Jessica Stroup.

I'm thinking it's time for a change. Maybe I can make this a clean break. Change everything, throw the past couple of years out the window, stop staring at the college poster in school and thinking, Someday, get my fucking act together and row, row, row my way out of this mess.

I can do it.

I'm going to get to college even if it kills me.

Even if it's not my first-choice college. Maybe my first-choice should be a place that actually wants me.

I'm rowing my way out of this. And I'll do it even if there is a tiger in my boat. If Pi can do it, so can I.

I'm going to college.

[stay tuned for parody or progress, for a peek at whether pi prevails over parker, for purposeful pakistani vs pernicious pedants]


  1. All the best! :)
    You are not the only stuck in the applications rubbish.
    LOL@all of us thinking we'd get in our dream college.


  3. Deferred doesn't mean no at all. Most deferrals are the result of them fulfilling the ED quota. If they didn't like you, they would have rejected you already.

    i.e. being deferred is a good thing. It means you HAVEN'T been rejected.

    Don't give up, it's not time for that yet!

  4. @Khadeeja Yes!!

    @Jaahil and nuclearbattery: thanks for the support/clarification guys. I was really really really upset before (clearly), but now I'm better :)

    as for the application, i think i'll probably be sending in an additional essay or something. let's see what happens.

  5. I can feel you. Im in Alevels now n I keep dreaming about awesome universities. I hope I get into it. :')

    wish you luck. :D

  6. ask them if they're accepting peer recommendations, and send one in if they say yes

  7. "purposeful pakistani vs pernicious pedants" FTW!

    If you let not getting into the college of your dreams get you down, you won't be able to tolerate all the knocks life still has in store, love. I wanted to be a doctor. I gave it up to stay back so a relationship I was in would not suffer. The relationship ended a year down the road, and I ended up in a profession I had never considered taking up. But I'm happy because I have always had, and will always have, the choice to be absolutely awesome where ever, and who ever, I may be.

    Best of luck!

  8. I came to the comments section to say it's okay and I went through it too-from the comments it looks like your first-choice college is (was) my college. I agree deferred does not mean rejected, I agree send a peer recommendation and if by chance you happen to study at Lyceum, drop in and see me :)
    I went to a women's college in Punjab before going to my first choice and it was not only a kick in the guts, it was a totally necessary, mind-twistingly educational experience. Don't give up. You'll make it where you belong. Good luck!

  9. thanks for the advice+wishes!
    s.e. I do not go to Lyceum but thank you anyway :)
    i will consider sending in a peer rec...but my friends are really busy and I think I'll just send in an additional essay.