Monday, February 20, 2012

why this blog is on invite-only

I have put the blog on invite-only because I have stalkers! Some of these stalkers are actually "friends."

I haven't put my full name on my blog, though I do use my initials. Most of the time I just use my first initial, especially when I'm commenting. This is because I don't want people to google me and find this blog.

This paranoia is not without justification. I have at least one acquaintance reading this blog. I am really not comfortable with that.

Of course, this brings up the question of "if you don't want your blog to be read, why did you put it up on the internet?" Well, I put it up on the internet for strangers to read. This blog at least the way it is, with the honesty that I have put into it, cannot be continued if people I know are reading it. I would either have to be dishonest or stop writing. This is because in many places I allude to people, places, ideas and life experiences that somebody I know will be able to decipher. Again, I am not comfortable with that. Yes, I did put this blog on the internet so that people would read it. I still want that, and I don't want to lose potential readers. I did not want to put it on invite-only but I have to. "Have to" seems kind of strong — couldn't I just be open with the people in my life? With the stalkers? No. They don't deserve it, plain and simple.

Why do I write on this blog? It used to be exercise, a way to talk about my opinions. But then it also became a log and a place where I could write about my life experiences (snapshots, really), feelings and thoughts. It became less of a novelty type thing and more of an expression thing. I still write really random posts, like that 90210 one, but ultimately I am aiming for honesty. And, really, while we're on the subject, on a scale of one (barely scratching the surface) to ten (full disclosure), I am at a five or six on this blog. A seven or eight is the maximum I would want to go to anyway. I can't do that if this is being read by people I know, because then I'll have to come down to a one, which is the level I'm at with most of the people I know.

What is the big deal with people I know reading this? Imagine sitting in a classroom knowing (or not knowing!) that one of the random people in the corner knows all about your issues, your depression, your life, things you feel towards people. You don't know if they've given you a fair shot, if they've just skimmed over the boring parts and read more of the juicy parts, if they are going to talk to other people about it. And with the gossip culture in my school, I really don't want to have a whole blog on offer (keeping it open for me is like making my facebook profile public). And so I'm sure you understand why I only have the choices of putting the blog on 'invite only' or shutting it down completely. I don't want to shut it down completely. Writing here has, at times, really been therapeutic for me. Like that time I went mental when MoHo deferred me  I'm sure if I would have just been writing all of these things down on a piece of paper it wouldn't have been the same.

And so, finally, you guys. The ones who still want to read this crap. The ones who have been inexplicably nice to me, the ones who have linked to me, the ones I am kinda-sorta friends with, the ones who stalk me from a distance (it's cool), the ones I respect, the ones I trust. Thank you for being here for me and thank you for wanting to read this blog. I wish I had all of you as classmates instead, because then my life would be 110% awesome and I wouldn't have to hide my blog from assholes.

IS this blog ever going to be open to the awaam again? Yes, probably. I'm estimating a loss of stalker interest in three months? Anyway in three months I not only will I be out of school, I will also know if I got into college and hence will have Plans for the Future and all of this shit will not be able to get to me or harm me.


  1. Trust me this shit gets really poisonous. For the same reason, I have an anonymous blog :) A couple of years back I used to blog under my real name. But still, being honest and candid out here while taking care not to disclose your entire life, things are twisted and misinterpreted by morons who have so empty a life (I believe) that they have nothing better to do but judge your entire life on one single confession you type out here. Hence, not by choice I have an anonymous name, an animated picture and a weird e-mail ID. *Sigh* :P

  2. Well, I tried to be as anonymous as possible what with the initials shenanigans. But yes! I agree 100% on people not having a life and so running around stalking and judging you. What the fuck man. This blog has seen a plunge in number of visits per day but WHAT2DO.