I confess: I really like school.
Not in the nerdy sense, though I don't think that that's necessarily worthy of the degradation that we attach to it. I just really like it. It's not that I don't have a social life or things to do at home or whatever. It's just...
I really prefer school. I like the sense of security I have when I'm there. And that's really important because when I get home I'm exposed to the news and other crap, troubles. I like the fact that though outside people might be building up forces of hate and frustration, in the school we're protected from it.
I've reached a mental and emotional state where I've realized that I really don't give a crap about what's going on in the country. I'm sick of it, the same old rigmarole, the same old buildup-climax-anticlimax of emotions that is what Pakistani politics has been since, well, a reeeally long time. It's the same: is it a dictatorship? oh, dictators are bad. Is it a democracy? oh, the leader sucks. We have a problem with the leader. The elections were rigged. This isn't the true leader. The policy is not islamic enough. Then there's the obligatory "crisis" that takes place every few months or so; everyone's made to get worked up about it and then nothing happens and then something else comes along and we have to direct all our hate towards that. Nothing ever happens. I think I'm in a perpetual state of anomie as a result of disenchantment with the rules. I don't know what's right or what's wrong; I just know with this sickening sense of impending tragedy that in all likelihood, something bad's gonna happen and everyone who's not a player is going to get sucked into it. We, the public, pay for the philandering of our politicians. Does that make you mad? Well, nothing's coming out of it. Keep your head down and move on. Better to ignore all of it than getting involved and killed and becoming the next crisis or the next not-crisis.
At school you live by rules. Really stupid rules sometimes, yes. But most of the rules make sense. You understand the system; sometimes you wish that was how it was all over, in spite of the drawbacks like favouritism and the authoritarianism.
At school, you learn. You're rewarded for being knowledgeable, resourceful, smart. You're surrounded by people around you who must also follow the same rules as yourself.
It seems super idealistic and even stupid on a level to like school. But reality is better! Because it's real! is the argument against liking a protected bubble. But what's reality? bullets? If I grow desensitized to everything....how can I hold on to any sense?
Not in the nerdy sense, though I don't think that that's necessarily worthy of the degradation that we attach to it. I just really like it. It's not that I don't have a social life or things to do at home or whatever. It's just...
I really prefer school. I like the sense of security I have when I'm there. And that's really important because when I get home I'm exposed to the news and other crap, troubles. I like the fact that though outside people might be building up forces of hate and frustration, in the school we're protected from it.
I've reached a mental and emotional state where I've realized that I really don't give a crap about what's going on in the country. I'm sick of it, the same old rigmarole, the same old buildup-climax-anticlimax of emotions that is what Pakistani politics has been since, well, a reeeally long time. It's the same: is it a dictatorship? oh, dictators are bad. Is it a democracy? oh, the leader sucks. We have a problem with the leader. The elections were rigged. This isn't the true leader. The policy is not islamic enough. Then there's the obligatory "crisis" that takes place every few months or so; everyone's made to get worked up about it and then nothing happens and then something else comes along and we have to direct all our hate towards that. Nothing ever happens. I think I'm in a perpetual state of anomie as a result of disenchantment with the rules. I don't know what's right or what's wrong; I just know with this sickening sense of impending tragedy that in all likelihood, something bad's gonna happen and everyone who's not a player is going to get sucked into it. We, the public, pay for the philandering of our politicians. Does that make you mad? Well, nothing's coming out of it. Keep your head down and move on. Better to ignore all of it than getting involved and killed and becoming the next crisis or the next not-crisis.
At school you live by rules. Really stupid rules sometimes, yes. But most of the rules make sense. You understand the system; sometimes you wish that was how it was all over, in spite of the drawbacks like favouritism and the authoritarianism.
At school, you learn. You're rewarded for being knowledgeable, resourceful, smart. You're surrounded by people around you who must also follow the same rules as yourself.
It seems super idealistic and even stupid on a level to like school. But reality is better! Because it's real! is the argument against liking a protected bubble. But what's reality? bullets? If I grow desensitized to everything....how can I hold on to any sense?
I hate living by rules. Gives me no space to explore, to be adventurous.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this. And let me tell you, these will probably be the best years of your life. I sound old when I say this, but nothing compares to my A level years. I never felt safer anywhere else, not even in one of the safest places I could ever be in.
ReplyDelete@Tinuviel I do agree. As I said in the post, authoritarianism sucks. But it depends on who you've got in the admin. My previous school was hell because everyone was out to turn us girls into some kind of crazy ass robots. But in my current school, where rules are more...sane...I've seen that there's some cool people in the admin and people are willing to listen to you and your ideas. When you show maturity, your teachers let you bend the rules a bit.
ReplyDelete@Jaahil I agree. And no you don't sound old, just sensible.